[19:11] Sneeky Squared: Are you there?
[19:50] nee0000007: yes
[19:56] Sneeky Squared: Oh, hey
[19:56] nee0000007: (auto-response from nee0000007) I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky.
[19:58] Sneeky Squared: Psssst
[20:00] nee0000007: hey
[20:01] Sneeky Squared: What are you doing?
[20:01] nee0000007: watching episodes of the mighty boosh
[20:02] Sneeky Squared: What have you been doing all day?
[20:03] nee0000007: school
[20:05] nee0000007: you?
[20:05] Sneeky Squared: I have a question
[20:05] Sneeky Squared: I've been watching Curb.
[20:06] nee0000007: whats your question?
[20:06] Sneeky Squared: Have you been enjoying your life more since I've been gone? You should be honest either way.
[20:08] nee0000007: i wouldn't say i enjoy it more, but i'm down on my life
[20:08] Sneeky Squared: Down on your life? What's that mean?
[20:08] nee0000007: o
[20:08] nee0000007: i'm not*
[20:09] Sneeky Squared: What?
[20:09] nee0000007: i wouldn't say i enjoy it but, i'm not down on my life.
[20:09] Sneeky Squared: Ah, okay.
[20:09] Sneeky Squared: ~sigh~ Well.
[20:09] nee0000007: well what?
[20:11] Sneeky Squared: I don't know. You're taking this much better than me, obviously. You've got friends to keep you company and girls. And...I'd never want to keep you away from me for so long. It makes me feel like I'm not missed at all. You may, I don't know, but I don't feel like I am and that hurts a bit.
[20:12] nee0000007: to be honest, i miss you like crazy. i still love you. you know that.
[20:12] Sneeky Squared: Okay
[20:15] Meebo Message: nee0000007 is offline
[20:16] Meebo Message: nee0000007 is online
[20:16] Sneeky Squared: Well I questioned that. You keep your distance with me and you always seem to be having such a great time, you never mention being down or
[20:16] Sneeky Squared: Ugh, this computer keeps freezing.
[20:16] Sneeky Squared: dealing with any of the negative things that I deal with every day.
[20:17] nee0000007: you told me i never talk you about how i feel... why would i start now?
[20:17] Sneeky Squared: You could/should =D
[20:18] Sneeky Squared: I don't know, that slips my mind a lot. I'd just assume that someone would at least express the big emotions, and when you don't, I'm not thinking "Oh, he's probably just keeping it to himself", I'm thinking "It must not be an issue for him".
[20:19] nee0000007: i'm the mysterious type.
[20:19] Sneeky Squared: And it'd be nice to hear that you miss me or what have you. I feel like I'm holding on to something that's very one sided.
[20:19] Sneeky Squared: Right.
[20:20] Sneeky Squared: Ahem.
[20:20] nee0000007: i don't like dealing with this like you have been.
[20:20] Sneeky Squared: How's that?
[20:21] nee0000007: by talking about it.
[20:21] Sneeky Squared: Well that's fine, but I just feel like I have to spill my guts to you. I feel like you'd drift further from me if I didn't.
[20:22] Sneeky Squared: How are you dealing with it? Do you sort anything out ever or do you ignore it? What?
[20:22] Sneeky Squared: Do you talk to anyone?
[20:23] nee0000007: maxwell.
[20:23] Sneeky Squared: That's it?
[20:23] Sneeky Squared: Has anything been sorted?
[20:24] nee0000007: its coming together
[20:24] Sneeky Squared: Good
[20:24] Sneeky Squared: What've you got so far?
[20:25] Sneeky Squared: ...
[20:27] nee0000007: i can't really explain yet
[20:27] Sneeky Squared: Mmmkay
[20:27] Sneeky Squared: Do you ever talk to any humans?
[20:29] Sneeky Squared: What are you distracted with?
[20:29] nee0000007: poetry
[20:30] Sneeky Squared: Do you ever talk to humans about your situation or progress/lack there of?
[20:32] nee0000007: sometimes to greg or michael or megan but not too much.
[20:32] Sneeky Squared: Megan Maberry?
[20:32] nee0000007: yeah. she is really the only girl I talk to on a regular basis.
[20:33] Sneeky Squared: Interesting.
[20:33] nee0000007: why?
[20:33] Sneeky Squared: I just wouldn't think that she'd be a gal that you'd "confide" in, seeing as you don't even do that with me, haha.
[20:33] nee0000007: its rare.
[20:33] Sneeky Squared: Maybe you two should just get married then.
[20:34] nee0000007: no, its rare that I talk to her.
[20:34] Sneeky Squared: I know, but I already had that in my head so I said it anyway.
[20:34] Sneeky Squared: It wasn't meant to make a lot of sense.
[20:35] nee0000007: well. what?
[20:35] Sneeky Squared: I'm not sure. Just asking questions to see where you're at these days.
[20:36] nee0000007: underwater
[20:36] Sneeky Squared: How's that going?
[20:39] Sneeky Squared: Slash, are you leaning further away from me? Again, honesty, please.
[20:40] nee0000007: its wet in the water.
[20:40] Sneeky Squared: Sometimes it's like that, it's the craziest thing.
[20:40] nee0000007: i guess. thats a hard question
[20:41] Sneeky Squared: It's a yes or no one, so you've only got so many options.
[20:41] nee0000007: i don't know though.
[20:41] nee0000007: i'm gonna go lay down. i'm really tired again.
[20:41] Sneeky Squared: You should wait a minute.
[20:41] nee0000007: for what?
[20:42] Sneeky Squared: I don't know, I'm looking for some security.
[20:42] Sneeky Squared: Hopefully there's security to be had.
[20:43] Sneeky Squared: ...
[20:43] nee0000007: security?
[20:44] Sneeky Squared: You've left me hangin' for...a ridiculously long time, I asked that question to see if things are going the way I want them to or not, either way, that's a bit more than what I had.
[20:45] nee0000007: i don't really follow what you are saying.
[20:46] Sneeky Squared: I have no idea where your head is at, what your decisions will be, whether you ever want to be with me again or not. I asked if you've been leaning away from me more or not. If you aren't (which I'm hoping not), or even if you are leaning from me, either answer will be more than I've had for months now.
[20:48] Sneeky Squared: ...
[20:48] nee0000007: i don't really have an answer. can i think about it?
[20:48] Sneeky Squared: Sure you have been thinking about it before I asked, right?
[20:49] Sneeky Squared: Surely*
[20:50] nee0000007: not that specifically
[20:51] Sneeky Squared: That's uuuuuh...ridiculously weird. You haven't thought "I want her to come back" or "I don't ever want her to come back" at all? 'Cause I mean, that's been my main focus, and I know you've got other things that you are trying to work on, but that's seriously never been a question you asked yourself?
[20:52] nee0000007: well, you can't come back.
[20:52] Sneeky Squared: Ever, or right now?
[20:52] nee0000007: right now for sure
[20:52] Sneeky Squared: Well I know that.
[20:53] Sneeky Squared: But you see, this is either going to end with us being back together or us not. You know what I want, I wanted to know if you've made any progress in either direction, even if it's jut the slightest bit with no conclusion.
[20:55] nee0000007: i don't know.
[20:55] Sneeky Squared:
[20:56] nee0000007: i don't want to tell you that i think we'll end up back together and get your hopes up and it never happen, but i don't want to say we'll never be together and then end up miserable forever.
[20:56] Sneeky Squared: I understand that.
[20:56] Sneeky Squared: I just thought by now surely you've thought at least once "I want to be with her again" or "I don't want to be with her again".
[20:56] nee0000007: i've thought both several times
[20:57] Sneeky Squared: Well I figured you should be sorting through the both and landing on one more often than the other by now, then.
[20:57] nee0000007: you figured wrong
[20:57] Sneeky Squared: Is there someone else?
[20:57] Sneeky Squared: Honesty, please.
[20:57] Sneeky Squared: I'll take it like a man.
[20:58] nee0000007: like do am i in love with someone else or have i hooked up with someone else?
[20:59] Sneeky Squared: We agreed not to talk about sexual relations, so...is there someone else that you like or that you'd like to be with ooor to get extreme, that you're in love with?
[20:59] nee0000007: no
[21:00] Sneeky Squared: Okay.
[21:00] Sneeky Squared: I'd just hate to lose my love to another girl. I've never once been in a relationship that didn't end that way in some form or another.
[21:02] nee0000007: i'm not going to date anyone as long as i stay in columbia.
[21:03] Sneeky Squared: Why?
[21:03] Sneeky Squared: What does Columbia have to do with anything?
[21:04] nee0000007: cause i'm leaving in december.
[21:04] Sneeky Squared: Where are you going?
[21:04] nee0000007: far as fuck
[21:04] Sneeky Squared: Well, I hope I can go with you.
[21:05] Sneeky Squared: I feel like I deserve a second chance, at least.
[21:06] Sneeky Squared: I feel like we both have had stupid reasonings for what all has happened and stupid things were done...like...so retarded that I'm not sure how we let them happen. I'd just like a second chance. This isn't something that you (a general "you") can throw away that easily. We didn't even try to make it right.
[21:08] nee0000007: i'm just not cool with you feeling like you had to see what was out there. ya know?
[21:09] Sneeky Squared: But that's at least not why I left. I wanted to stay with you and was a-okay with that.
[21:09] Sneeky Squared: How could I not be?
[21:10] Sneeky Squared: I never intended to leave. For a bit I had thoughts of "what if", but I ALWAYS knew that I didn't want to ever leave you.
[21:11] Sneeky Squared: It was "What if ___, but I don't want to leave Brett."
[21:11] Sneeky Squared: "What's out there? I want to stay with Brett, still."
[21:12] Sneeky Squared: "Question question, but I want Brett."
[21:12] Sneeky Squared: Always always always.
[21:12] nee0000007: you didn't seem to content here.
[21:12] nee0000007: i feel like you changed your mind because it sucks with out me.
[21:12] Sneeky Squared: In Columbia? No, not so much in Columbia. Content with you, always.
[21:13] Sneeky Squared: My mind was never on "I want to leave Brett", though. So I never really had to change my mind, I've always wanted to stay with you, I've always known that it would suck complete ass without you.
[21:14] Sneeky Squared: I love you and I told you I wanted to stay. There was no mind changing, I was just curious about other things, but never once was I willing to give you up to see.
[21:14] Sneeky Squared: Never. once.
[21:16] Sneeky Squared: I don't know if you ever really got that, I feel like you'd be thinking a lot different if you understood that.
[21:16] nee0000007: your actions were speaking louder than your words at the time.
[21:17] Sneeky Squared: Well that's how I always felt, and I feel like that matters a whole bunch and should be considered.
[21:19] nee0000007: okay.
[21:20] nee0000007: i'm tired.
[21:20] Sneeky Squared: I will say though, that I feel like you're doing the same thing to me now.
[21:20] Sneeky Squared: Sort of.
[21:20] nee0000007: what?
[21:21] Sneeky Squared: Now you're curious about what could happen, and I'm now getting what you got before, just in a different way.
[21:21] Sneeky Squared: By keeping me away.
[21:21] nee0000007: i guess you are right.
[21:22] Sneeky Squared: Did that make sense? I could have worded that much better, I think.
[21:22] nee0000007: no. i get it.
[21:22] nee0000007: but seriously. i need to lay down.
[21:22] nee0000007: i'm gonna fall over.
[21:22] Sneeky Squared: Okay.
[21:22] Sneeky Squared: Well, I love you.
[21:22] nee0000007: goodnight.
[21:22] Sneeky Squared: Goodnight.
9:30 pm - Monday, Apr. 07, 2008
Recent entries:
Test - Monday, Apr. 09, 2018
Test - Monday, Apr. 09, 2018
"If the answer is 'no', can I change your mind?" - Monday, Apr. 07, 2008
"Turn, smile, shift, repeat" - Sunday, Mar. 23, 2008
"And I wonder if she will stay, my little runaway." - Sunday, Mar. 09, 2008
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