He stayed for 3 more days. Shit went down. We got close. Brett got mad. And for good reason.
09:51] Patrick: i'm sorry you had a terrible night
[09:51] Sneeky Squared: Terrible may even be an understatement
[09:52] Patrick: the whole night or one part in particular?
[09:52] Sneeky Squared: The whole night.
[09:52] Sneeky Squared: And now I just feel like ass because I was crying all night, and I'm not even a cryer!
[09:52] Sneeky Squared: I've got a migraine now and I feel sick to my stomach.
[09:52] Sneeky Squared: And I feel like the biggest cuntrag ever.
[09:52] Patrick: you're not a cuntrag
[09:53] Sneeky Squared: I'm pretty sure I am.
[09:53] Patrick: why do you say that
[09:53] Sneeky Squared: I just feel like the biggest bitch for treating Brett the way I did.
[09:53] Sneeky Squared: He apparently cried the other night and has been really down on himself lately and I feel like a fucking bitch for doing that.
[09:54] Patrick: geeze, i guess this is worse then we thought
[09:55] Sneeky Squared: Apparently.
[09:55] Patrick: did you guys get to talk at all?
[09:55] Sneeky Squared: And I still don't know what the fuck I'm doing.
[09:55] Patrick: or was it just an emotional night?
[09:55] Sneeky Squared: Well I told him that I like you and I don't know what to do and all he said was "good luck" or "do whatever you want"
[09:56] Sneeky Squared: He wouldn't let me sleep with him, he won't tell me he loves me, he'll barely talk to me.
[09:56] Patrick: i'm really sorry cierra, i never meant for any of this to happen
[09:57] Sneeky Squared: Weeeeeeell it did and I don't nkow what to do.
[09:57] Patrick: well i guess you should try and find a good time to really talk with brett, or i guess force him to talk
[09:58] Patrick: it's apparent you guys still feel strongly for each other if you're both so upset by the situation
[09:58] Sneeky Squared: That's not the only reason I'm upset.
[09:58] Patrick: why are you upset then?
[09:58] Patrick: or why else?
[09:58] Sneeky Squared: Because there's still motherfucking you.
[09:59] Patrick: cierra, that's sweet. but i don't want to see you getting sick, crying and having migraines
[09:59] Patrick: i'm tryign to find a way of telling you i'm here for you
[09:59] Patrick: for awhile
[09:59] Patrick: without sounding like a bitch
[10:00] Patrick: i don't want you to have to deal with living with someone that won't talk to you and all of that.
[10:01] Sneeky Squared: Brett isn't the bad guy, here.
[10:01] Patrick: i know
[10:01] Patrick: that's why i mean i want you guys to be able to talk
[10:01] Patrick: i want you to have time to really think about it i guess
[10:02] Patrick: sorry, i'm not conveying how i think clearly enough
[10:02] Patrick: i just wish i could help you in some way
[10:03] Sneeky Squared: I don't know.
[10:04] Patrick: now i feel like an ass
[10:04] Sneeky Squared: iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii feel like an ass.
[10:05] Patrick: i never meant to put you into this situation
[10:05] Patrick: granted i never knew how it would turn out
[10:05] Patrick: i just hate that you and brett have been crying
[10:05] Patrick: all because i started liking you
[10:06] Patrick: i feel like i never should have stared at you and this all could have been avoided
[10:06] Sneeky Squared: Maybwe
[10:06] Sneeky Squared: - w
[10:06] Sneeky Squared: Actually, probably.
[10:07] Sneeky Squared: I suppose it would dhave come up another time, though, because apparently Brett has been feeling down on himself for a while and didn't tell me.
[10:07] Patrick: down on himself about what?
[10:07] Sneeky Squared: He never tells me how he's feeling so I have to assume that he's been happy as can be for the past 2 1/2 years, but I guess not.
[10:07] Sneeky Squared: He woudn't tell me.
[10:07] Sneeky Squared: And I've had discrepancies in the relationship for a bit but I didn't say anything. Ugh.
[10:08] Patrick: i think you guys really need a chance for you both to talk, about everything
[10:08] Sneeky Squared: I don't know if he will. I was bawling and begging him and he just went to bed.
[10:08] Patrick: you cn't figure out how you feel about someone if you can't be honest with each other
[10:09] Patrick: well, no offense at all. but alcohol probably shouldn't be a part of it, or late at night so nobody can sneak off to bed
[10:09] Sneeky Squared: Well I was sober by this time, it was like 3am.
[10:09] Patrick: maybe find some time after his class to go somewhere, that way nobody can run away
[10:09] Patrick: you can confront whatever problems there may be
[10:10] Patrick: oh wow, you had a really late night
[10:10] Sneeky Squared: Yeah, it sucked.
[10:10] Sneeky Squared: And he made me sleep on the small ass couch so I'm really sore.
[10:10] Patrick: well you definitely can't go through another evening like that
[10:11] Sneeky Squared: Hopefully I won't have to.
[10:11] Sneeky Squared: I feel like ass.
[10:11] Patrick: i'm starting to feel a bit sick to my stomach
[10:12] Sneeky Squared: We're twins.
[10:13] Sneeky Squared: Ah, Brett also said "I'm going to punch him in his fucking face if he texts you again" because I spent almost $30 talking to you.
[10:13] Sneeky Squared: So there's a heads up on that.
[10:13] Sneeky Squared: Also, if I end up staying put, I'm preeeeeeeeetty sure I can never talk to you again.
[10:13] Patrick: well i guess no more texting
[10:13] Patrick: wow
[10:13] Sneeky Squared: So, there's a heads up on that too.
[10:14] Patrick: that's a sad thought
[10:14] Patrick: really sad
[10:14] Patrick: but i guess it's not like i didn't see it coming, although i didn't want it to be like that
[10:15] Sneeky Squared: I just feel like if I stay with him, I'm going to feel contained and bored to a certain extent.
[10:15] Sneeky Squared: And who the fuck knows what would happen with you if I went with you.
[10:15] Patrick: you don't think this will bring up excitement?
[10:16] Sneeky Squared: No
[10:16] Patrick: i mean, if you guys stay together?
[10:16] Sneeky Squared: No
[10:16] Patrick: i see
[10:16] Sneeky Squared: I'm just really worried about Brett and wouldn't want to leave him like this.
[10:16] Sneeky Squared: I don't know if he could handle it.
[10:16] Patrick: i know you are
[10:17] Sneeky Squared: He said some very sad things last night.
[10:18] Sneeky Squared: Stay put, I'm getting food.
[10:18] Patrick: ok
[10:21] Sneeky Squared: Okay
[10:21] Patrick: better?
[10:21] Sneeky Squared: I haven't eaten it yet.
[10:21] Patrick: oh
[10:22] Sneeky Squared: Oh man.
[10:22] Sneeky Squared: I'm such a bitch.
[10:22] Patrick: no you're not
[10:22] Patrick: you're human
[10:22] Patrick: and so am i
[10:22] Sneeky Squared: But I didn't have to go about it like that.
[10:22] Patrick: and we made mistakes and did bad things
[10:22] Patrick: i know, and we probably shouldn't have
[10:22] Sneeky Squared: <~~ cunt
[10:23] Patrick: i want to keep telling you you're not but it doesn't seem like i can change your mind
[10:23] Sneeky Squared: You can't. I am what I am.
[10:23] Patrick: well if that's true, you're not just a cunt
[10:23] Patrick: you're lots of other things
[10:24] Sneeky Squared: Like a bitchass ho, haha.
[10:24] Patrick: hah, no
[10:24] Patrick: like someone with an extremely compassionate heart, otherwise you wouldn't care this much
[10:25] Patrick: and you have desires just like anyone else, and we got tempted
[10:25] Sneeky Squared: I could argue the very opposite, because I wouldn't have done what I did in the first place if I were so fucking compassionate.
[10:25] Patrick: but you also have desires, and you don't like feeling bored or stuck in the same place
[10:26] Sneeky Squared: I'm also a bitchass ho.
[10:26] Patrick: shut up
[10:26] Patrick: you have to stop saying that shit or i'm not gonna talk to you
[10:26] Sneeky Squared: Yes you will.
[10:27] Patrick: of course i will, but i don't want you getting down on yourself
[10:27] Patrick: i'm not saying you shouldn't feel bad, or myself. but not like that
[10:28] Patrick: so are you more confused about our situation or is the answer pretty clear now?
[10:28] Sneeky Squared: It's the same + a migraine
[10:28] Sneeky Squared: + guilt
[10:29] Sneeky Squared: Well. Maybe not exactly the same.
[10:29] Sneeky Squared: I don't know, I flip flop.
[10:29] Sneeky Squared: I flip flopped a bajillion times last night.
[10:29] Sneeky Squared: Flip flopping now.
[10:29] Sneeky Squared: Being disgusted with both of you.
[10:29] Sneeky Squared: Being disgusted with mysefl.
[10:29] Patrick: disgusted?
[10:30] Sneeky Squared: Ehh, I'm just mad. And one or both of you makes me sick every now and agian.
[10:30] Sneeky Squared: No offense.
[10:30] Patrick: none taken
[10:31] Patrick: sorry i'm not talking much
[10:31] Patrick: just trying to think
[10:31] Sneeky Squared: What are you thinking about/
[10:31] Patrick: thinking whether or not this is worth it
[10:32] Patrick: i don't want to give up on you, but i also don't want to help make this decision harder
[10:32] Sneeky Squared: Hope my "sick" comment didn' tbring that on.
[10:32] Patrick: and i can't see it getting better for awhile
[10:32] Patrick: it's not just that, it's everything
[10:32] Patrick: josh and everyone hating us
[10:32] Patrick: brett wanting to punch me in the face
[10:32] Patrick: brett crying
[10:32] Patrick: you crying
[10:32] Patrick: all i while i sit here by myself away from all of that
[10:33] Patrick: it's not fair and it doesn't feel right at all
[10:33] Patrick: and what for, all for the prospect of being with me?
[10:34] Patrick: i'm just worried that if you did choose to be with me, it would put tremendous pressure on the relationship. not that i don't think we could handle it, i dunno
[10:34] Patrick: does that make sense ever
[10:34] Patrick: at all*
[10:34] Sneeky Squared: It does.
[10:34] Sneeky Squared: Did I really just waste my time and fuck everything up? Holy fuck.
[10:35] Patrick: waste your time?
[10:35] Patrick: no
[10:35] Sneeky Squared: Well, what the fuck?
[10:35] Patrick: this is why i was thinking about this, it's not how i feel
[10:36] Patrick: i just feel like we're pulling you at two very different ends
[10:36] Patrick: i'm wanting to be with you and all my thoughts on you are based on happy ones
[10:36] Patrick: and brett's sad and you don't want to make him be like that either
[10:37] Patrick: i don't know. i feel terrible telling you to come here knowing what it's putting you through there
[10:37] Patrick: does that make more sense?
[10:38] Sneeky Squared: Ugh. I suppose.
[10:39] Patrick: what are your thoughts on any of this
[10:39] Sneeky Squared: "fuck this" is what I keep saying to myself over and over again.
[10:39] Sneeky Squared: I don't know, I think I've thought every thought imaginable, but both sides of it so I haven't gotten anywhere.
[10:40] Patrick: i don't mean to sound gay, this is a serious suggestion
[10:40] Patrick: but have you tried thinking with your heart
[10:41] Sneeky Squared: I haven't.
[10:41] Sneeky Squared: I don't really know how to do that.
[10:41] Patrick: in my experience, the brain is good at playing both sides and making them seem attractive
[10:41] Patrick: it's based mostly on feeling i guess
[10:41] Patrick: not necessarily a gut feeling
[10:41] Patrick: but similar i guess
[10:42] Patrick: and if that doesn't work, maybe try to actually list out what you're thinking
[10:42] Patrick: if for nothing else, it would probably theraputic to get it out of your head and on paper
[10:42] Patrick: make a little more room for other thoughts i suppose
[10:43] Sneeky Squared: On a different note, I don't want to just be something that happened to you.
[10:43] Patrick: by saying that, do you mean if you went with brett you couldn't talk to me anymore?
[10:44] Sneeky Squared: Spot on.
[10:44] Patrick: regardless of what happens
[10:44] Patrick: you have changed me
[10:44] Patrick: you have *affected me
[10:44] Patrick: so it would be impossible for to just be something that happened to me
[10:44] Patrick: you*
[10:45] Sneeky Squared: You say that, but I feel like I've wasted everyone's time.
[10:45] Patrick: shut up
[10:45] Patrick: you haven't wasted anytime
[10:45] Patrick: nothing was wasted on you
[10:45] Patrick: not even these feelings
[10:45] Patrick: even if i don't get to act on them
[10:45] Patrick: i'm glad i got to feel this way again
[10:46] Patrick: thank you for letting me care about you
[10:46] Patrick: i truly do feel alive again
[10:46] Sneeky Squared: Oh jeeeeeeeez.
[10:46] Patrick: it's been so refreshing
[10:46] Patrick: i'm serious
[10:46] Sneeky Squared: I didn't mean it like that
[10:46] Patrick: i feel like i've been just kinda floating around
[10:46] Patrick: how did you mean it then?
[10:47] Patrick: i promise i'm not trying to be sappy
[10:47] Sneeky Squared: I know, but you are.
[10:47] Sneeky Squared: And i meant it that you're not making this easy.
[10:47] Patrick: oh
[10:47] Patrick: i'll stop then i guess
[10:47] Sneeky Squared: <~~ about to cry again.
[10:47] Sneeky Squared: Fuck this.
[10:47] Patrick: but i wanted you to know none of this is wasted
[10:49] Patrick: fuck this seems the most appropriate thing to say
[10:49] Sneeky Squared: I still feel like I wasted everyone's time.
[10:49] Patrick: why?
[10:49] Patrick: what's your reasoning?
[10:50] Patrick: because i don't think you could be more wrong
[10:50] Sneeky Squared: I don't know, I mean...if I stay in the same place, then what a waste of emotion for everyone.
[10:50] Patrick: no!
[10:50] Patrick: that's where you're wrong
[10:51] Patrick: if for nothing else and you stay with brett, you've shaken things up
[10:51] Patrick: you even said so yourself, things have been kinda ehh for awhile, and you found out last night a little more how brett's been feeling
[10:51] Patrick: isn't that something worth noting?
[10:51] Sneeky Squared: Yeah, dick.
[10:52] Sneeky Squared: Stop making good points.
[10:52] Patrick: thanks
[10:52] Patrick: it seems to be the only thing i can do to try and help you since i can't be there with you
[10:52] Sneeky Squared: Also, sorry for calling you a dick. I'm uppity.
[10:52] Patrick: it's ok, i assumed you didn't really mean it
[10:52] Sneeky Squared: I didn't.
[10:52] Sneeky Squared: My eye is twitching.
[10:52] Sneeky Squared: This is fucking retarded.
[10:53] Patrick: do you have contacts in?
[10:53] Sneeky Squared: yeah
[10:53] Sneeky Squared: That has nothing to do with it.
[10:53] Patrick: oh ok
[10:54] Sneeky Squared: Well fuck. me.
[10:56] Patrick: i don't what to say. i'm really sorry for doing this to you
[10:56] Patrick: or putting you through this
[10:56] Sneeky Squared: ehh
[10:57] Patrick: what was your first thought this morning?
[10:57] Sneeky Squared: I think you're the bitchass ho here.
[10:58] Sneeky Squared: My head motherfucking hurt, and you.
[10:58] Patrick: what's your reasoning
[10:58] Sneeky Squared: i don't know, you're just a bitchass ho.
[10:58] Sneeky Squared: Actually, it may have been head, he's mad at me, you.
[10:58] Patrick: what about me did you think? that i was a bitchass ho?
[10:58] Sneeky Squared: No, the usual.
[10:59] Patrick: well you were the first thing i thought about, mostly because that text woke me up
[10:59] Patrick: but i was having a great dream with you in it
[11:00] Sneeky Squared: What happened?
[11:00] Patrick: we went on a trip somewhere
[11:01] Patrick: and stopped off at a place with a bunch of people i didn't know
[11:01] Patrick: and we were all sitting down talking and two black ladies walked up and asked us who we were
[11:01] Patrick: i said a musician
[11:01] Patrick: somebody else said "a racist"
[11:01] Patrick: and there were some other random ones
[11:02] Patrick: i didn't get to your answer in my dream
[11:02] Patrick: but you did look really pretty in it, and i usually don't see details like that in my dream
[11:02] Patrick: and you kept bumming cigarettes off me
[11:03] Sneeky Squared: Oh, P.S. Brett saw your livejuornal post. He was very upset.
[11:03] Patrick: and then some guy took my last one that i was giving to you and we started fighting and then i think you texted me
[11:03] Patrick: uhh ohh
[11:03] Patrick: the thing i put on yours?
[11:03] Sneeky Squared: No, yours.
[11:03] Patrick: how?
[11:03] Sneeky Squared: Perhaps he was on my friend list.
[11:04] Patrick: i didn't say anything specifically about you though
[11:04] Sneeky Squared: He knew who you meant.
[11:04] Patrick: i mean i guess it's not that hard to figure out
[11:05] Sneeky Squared: Nope.
[11:06] Patrick: i am not apologizing for the way i feel about you
[11:06] Patrick: i am sorry for the way i handled myself and the situation
[11:06] Patrick: but not for feeling this way
[11:06] Sneeky Squared: Ditto
[11:06] Patrick: at least we're on the same page with that
[11:06] Sneeky Squared: You were supposed to turn me down =D
[11:06] Patrick: haha... i know
[11:06] Patrick: i did a little
[11:06] Sneeky Squared: Not at all.
[11:06] Patrick: you know what
[11:07] Patrick: that might be a nice way to start talking with brett
[11:07] Sneeky Squared: Haha, so I tried to fuck Patrick and all...
[11:07] Patrick: no no no
[11:07] Patrick: the thing before that
[11:07] Sneeky Squared: What thing?
[11:08] Patrick: with a bit of rewording it might be a nice lead-in to a good conversation
[11:08] Patrick: not sorry for how you feel
[11:08] Sneeky Squared: Um...
[11:08] Patrick: but for the way the situation and people in it were
[11:08] Sneeky Squared: What?
[11:08] Patrick: i am not apologizing for the way i feel about you
i am sorry for the way i handled myself and the situation
but not for feeling this way
Ditto
[11:08] Sneeky Squared: Ah, yeah I thought about taking that approach.
[11:09] Patrick: i mean without saying that you feel strongly about me maybe so it doesn't sound so bad
[11:09] Sneeky Squared: I would have but he refused to talk. He actually said "i refuse to talk about this anymore"
[11:09] Patrick: but just the fact that you were even interested in me
[11:09] Patrick: well, i'm sure he was upset and it was late
[11:09] Patrick: but he knows you have to talk about it
[11:09] Patrick: this isn't something that can be ignored
[11:10] Sneeky Squared: It sure isn't.
[11:10] Sneeky Squared: Hopefully he'll be willing to talk today.
[11:10] Patrick: well, maybe give him the power
[11:10] Patrick: guys like that
[11:10] Sneeky Squared: Gross, some weirdo from Myspace IMd me and told me I was cute. His quote is "party like a cockstar"
[11:10] Sneeky Squared: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=3891182
[11:10] Patrick: tell him that you understand it's hard and frustrating to talk about, but whenever he feels ready to approach you
[11:11] Patrick: wow
[11:11] Sneeky Squared: Ehh.
[11:11] Patrick: seems cool
[11:12] Sneeky Squared: Well I hope this actually goes somewhere today.
[11:12] Sneeky Squared: He was really nasty yesterday evening, talking down to me and being sarcastic.
[11:12] Sneeky Squared: I mean, I was texting you all night so I understand, but it didn't leave much room for talk.
[11:13] Patrick: it's his way of getting back at you i suppose, but it doesn't help the situation at hand
[11:13] Patrick: i think texting needs to be done with
[11:13] Patrick: for now at least
[11:13] Sneeky Squared: Soemthing that really got to me thuogh was he said he poured his heart out to me, what with the him being cool about the situation and all, and he was offended that I didn't say anything back. But he was right, what more can I say? I apologized.
[11:14] Patrick: 1. i don't think pouring your heart out is shown by sitting back and being cool about everything
[11:15] Patrick: 2. if he seemed cool about it all, why would you feel it necessary to bring anything up
[11:15] Sneeky Squared: No, not that part. After he had been cool, he said he puored his heart out when he told me that it was fucked up of me to ignore him, to hang out with you all the time, that he was upset that I had been a bad girlfriend, etc.
[11:15] Patrick: i'm not trying to unvalidate his point, just trying to make sense of it
[11:15] Patrick: oh
[11:15] Patrick: ok
[11:16] Patrick: well now i guess is your time to pour out your heart to him
[11:16] Patrick: it's not fair that he got to and you can't just cause he doesn't want to talk about it
[11:16] Patrick: maybe you weren't ready after what he had just said, you weren't exactly feeling like yourself
[11:16] Sneeky Squared: To which he insinuated that I didn't care because I didn't say much back except for an apology.
[11:16] Patrick: stuff like what he said to you takes a lot to process
[11:17] Patrick: what else were you supposed to do? try and fight for your side?
[11:17] Sneeky Squared: He was right, so that's why i didn't fight it.
[11:17] Patrick: yes this is our (mostly mine) fault
[11:17] Sneeky Squared: I told him that.
[11:17] Patrick: but that also makes you an easy target
[11:17] Patrick: exactly
[11:18] Sneeky Squared: Well I'm going to make that point again. That bothers me.
[11:19] Patrick: what part bothers you, sorry?
[11:19] Sneeky Squared: Him implying that I didn't care
[11:19] Patrick: ok, just checking
[11:20] Sneeky Squared: Oh gosh.
[11:20] Sneeky Squared: I wish he opened up like you, Mr. Sap.
[11:20] Sneeky Squared: This would be much easier.
[11:20] Patrick: i'm not sure if i'm flattered or insulted by that
[11:20] Patrick: hah
[11:21] Patrick: this just means you have to be the sap
[11:21] Patrick: you can't pull answers out of him
[11:21] Patrick: but you can ask the right question and push him to give you answers
[11:21] Patrick: and he has to want to talk too i guess
[11:21] Sneeky Squared: I want to hug you.
[11:22] Patrick: oh my god
[11:22] Patrick: thank you
[11:22] Patrick: i want to hug you so much
[11:22] Sneeky Squared: haha, girl.
[11:22] Sneeky Squared: Just messin.
[11:22] Patrick: i'm just saying
[11:22] Sneeky Squared: Are you relieved or something?
[11:22] Patrick: i feel like an ass because i want to tell you things like that but i feel lik ei'm not allowed
[11:22] Sneeky Squared: Ehh, do whatever you want.
[11:23] Patrick: a little, yes. i mean i know you have feelings still, but i didn't even get to say "hi" or "good morning" to you
[11:23] Sneeky Squared: Sorry I woke you up.
[11:24] Patrick: it's ok
[11:24] Patrick: i always turn my phone on silence
[11:24] Patrick: but last night i put it on loud if you needed me
[11:24] Sneeky Squared: Thanks!
[11:24] Patrick: you're welcome
[11:25] Patrick: my stomach's starting to knot up
[11:25] Sneeky Squared: Why?
[11:25] Patrick: i'm not sure really
[11:25] Patrick: i suppose it's a little bit of everything
[11:26] Sneeky Squared: Oh man, that sucked so much ass last night. We had already started having a bit of a fight, then he got the phone bill at tha texact moment.
[11:26] Sneeky Squared: He yelled a lot.
[11:26] Sneeky Squared: I laughed a bit at him, then it quickly went down hill.
[11:26] Patrick: geeze, perfect timing
[11:27] Sneeky Squared: And he said "remind me to get a separate bank account so you can stop wasting my money"
[11:27] Sneeky Squared: He told me i had to pay that part to him in cash, haha. But again, we share a bank account.
[11:28] Patrick: tell him those lamps are probably worth $30
[11:28] Patrick: actually, sike. don't tell him that
[11:28] Patrick: it would probably only mak matters worse
[11:28] Sneeky Squared: Sike? Are we back in 1996?
[11:28] Patrick: hahaha
[11:28] Patrick: yeah
[11:28] Patrick: we are
[11:28] Sneeky Squared: What is wrong with you?
[11:28] Patrick: ouch, that's a hurtful sounding statement
[11:28] Patrick: language is funny
[11:29] Patrick: and i like to make fun of it
[11:29] Sneeky Squared: Don't take it so seriously.
[11:29] Patrick: from every decade
[11:29] Patrick: ok, i won't
[11:32] Sneeky Squared: I don't know what to do about you.
[11:32] Patrick: i'm sorry i can't seem to help
[11:34] Patrick: if it helps any (which i can't see it doing) i'm not sure what to do about you either
[11:34] Sneeky Squared: You don't have to make choices.
[11:35] Patrick: that's true
[11:35] Sneeky Squared: It sure is.
[11:36] Patrick: are you feeling any better at all?
[11:36] Sneeky Squared: Yeah
[11:36] Patrick: well that's good
[11:36] Sneeky Squared: My migraine is going away and I don't feel like I'm about to puke.
[11:36] Sneeky Squared: Or cry.
[11:37] Patrick: all signs of improvement
[11:37] Sneeky Squared: Hopefully I won't later. I can't handle another migraine.
[11:38] Patrick: how is your anxiety?
[11:38] Sneeky Squared: Fine
[11:38] Sneeky Squared: It wasn't fine last night, though.
[11:38] Patrick: i was scared this might cause an attack or something
[11:38] Sneeky Squared: I thought I was about to lose it.
[11:39] Patrick: well i'm glad you didn't
[11:39] Patrick: i'm not sure i would handle all of this if i was in your place
[11:40] Sneeky Squared: You'd just...not?
[11:40] Patrick: i'm sorry *how
[11:40] Sneeky Squared: Ah.
[11:40] Sneeky Squared: Well luckily I'm not as soft as you so I'm okay. =D
[11:40] Patrick: you're such a bitch
[11:40] Patrick: hah
[11:41] Sneeky Squared: Oooh nice.
[11:41] Sneeky Squared: That got me slightly horny, but in the weirdest, saddest away.
[11:41] Patrick: that sounds depressing
[11:41] Sneeky Squared: way*
[11:41] Sneeky Squared: Haha
[11:41] Sneeky Squared: It just sounds weird, not depressing.
[11:41] Patrick: i guess
[11:42] Sneeky Squared: Well eithe way, it did.
[11:42] Patrick: well good, i'm glad i could take your mind off all this for a split second
[11:43] Patrick: i regret to tell you i'm going to have to leave soon
[11:43] Sneeky Squared: Why?
[11:43] Patrick: we have to go drive up to a few places to talk with people about jobs
[11:43] Patrick: are you staying till 2 today?
[11:43] Sneeky Squared: 3
[11:44] Sneeky Squared: =(
[11:44] Patrick: well i'm sorry that makes you sad
[11:44] Patrick: but it makes me happy because i can probably talk to you later on
[11:44] Sneeky Squared: Fantastic.
[11:44] Sneeky Squared: Well...
[11:44] Sneeky Squared: You should still talk to me for a minute.
[11:44] Patrick: i will
[11:45] Patrick: if diddle will stop attacking my hand that is
[11:45] Sneeky Squared: Diddle needs a slap in the face.
[11:45] Sneeky Squared: Does she know her name?
[11:45] Patrick: ehh...not really
[11:45] Patrick: i mean yes and no
[11:45] Patrick: it doesn't help that i call her tons of different names
[11:46] Sneeky Squared: Hey, get a catbook.
[11:46] Sneeky Squared: Frank has a dogbook already
[11:46] Patrick: i thought about that yesterday when i accepted it
[11:46] Patrick: i need a good picture of her though, that's on my list
[11:46] Patrick: oh and i feel really awkward now, being the only friend with frank but you and brett
[11:47] Sneeky Squared: Haha, he'll get more when he gets out of the house.
[11:47] Patrick: good
[11:47] Sneeky Squared: Oh jeez. This is so fucked up.
[11:47] Patrick: are you talking about the situation in general or something specific?
[11:48] Patrick: either way, yes it is so fucked up
[11:48] Sneeky Squared: In general.
[11:48] Sneeky Squared: I at least want to be BFFs
[11:48] Patrick: ewll i hope it resolves itself soon, if for nothing else so we're all healthier
[11:49] Patrick: that will happen no matter what
[11:49] Patrick: although it might be harder if you're not allowed to talk to me
[11:49] Sneeky Squared: S'what I'm saying.
[11:50] Patrick: well how do we be bffs if we can't talk?
[11:50] Sneeky Squared: Ah, and that bitchass had a perfct opportunity to talk to me about his feelings. He wrote in his livejournal "time to be strong" with some other obscure phrases. I knew what all of them meant and I assumed the strong comment was about running because he had been talking about running with Jeff, but he didn't bother to correct me and tell me what was up.
[11:51] Patrick: see, he just needs to feel comfortable enough to talk
[11:52] Patrick: i don't think that he doesn't want to, or doesn't have things to say
[11:52] Sneeky Squared: Well what the hell? I tell him all sorts of weird shit.
[11:52] Patrick: he's probably just as scared of the outcome of it all
[11:52] Sneeky Squared: I suppose.
[11:52] Patrick: yeah but this isn't so weird as much as it's ending a relationship with one of us
[11:52] Sneeky Squared: It's true
[11:52] Sneeky Squared: Aww man.
[11:52] Sneeky Squared: Fuck.
[11:53] Patrick: and he's probably hoping that if it's just ignored and since i've left that things will just work out like they were
[11:53] Patrick: unless we keep texting, which is probably another reason he was upset and not wanting to talk last night
[11:53] Patrick: i'm not even there and i'm still taking you away from him, or at least that's how i guess it looks to him
[11:54] Sneeky Squared: Sounds about right.
[11:54] Patrick: so then approach him with those ideas in your head when you go to talk
[11:55] Patrick: kinda have to know where he's coming from i guess
[11:55] Sneeky Squared: I just wanted to talk to you. There had been tension between Brett and I earlier in the evening, that's why I suggested we go out. And he was just mad that he took me out and I barely talked to him but texted a shit load.
[11:55] Patrick: yeah i'm sure that upset him
[11:55] Patrick: i really liked talking to you from the bathroom though
[11:55] Patrick: it was nice hearing your voice again
[11:57] Patrick: well, i'm being summoned to leave and i still haven't gotten out of bed yet so i guess i have to leave
[11:57] Patrick: but i will probably be back in an hour or so?
[11:57] Sneeky Squared: That's dumb.
[11:57] Sneeky Squared: I'll be here
[11:57] Sneeky Squared: Hurry
[11:57] Patrick: i will
[11:58] Patrick: i'll talk to you soon
[11:58] Sneeky Squared: Okay, bye love.
[11:58] Patrick: bye
I plan on spilling to Brett today. I suppose I'll stay with Brett, that seems to be the most logical choice. I love him, he's perfect, and he needs me more than Patrick does. I'll stay where I'm needed. I'm worried about him. But now I lose Patrick and I stay stagnant. You win some, you lose some.
12:35 pm - Wednesday, Jan. 30, 2008
Recent entries:
Test - Monday, Apr. 09, 2018
Test - Monday, Apr. 09, 2018
"If the answer is 'no', can I change your mind?" - Monday, Apr. 07, 2008
"Turn, smile, shift, repeat" - Sunday, Mar. 23, 2008
"And I wonder if she will stay, my little runaway." - Sunday, Mar. 09, 2008
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